Food hygiene meets Google reviews. Find your unicorn.
🏠 186 Moorside Road, Swinton, M27 9LE
Tier Achieved:
The ultimate Russian roulette. Culinary daredevils only.
The Devil's feeding trough. Food so good people risk it all. The kitchen is a horror show but the reviews are immaculate. Strongest stomachs only. You've been warned.
Welcome to Calmati Cafe, where the coffee is great and the hygiene is a bit of a health inspector's nightmare. This place is your classic 'good food, questionable cleanliness' combo. The espresso is apparently a revelation, but I’d advise against looking too closely at the floor — you might see last week’s crumbs auditioning for a horror movie.
Staff like Eva bring smiles to the table, and the food sounds delectable. However, it’s hard to ignore the 1/5 hygiene rating when you’re enjoying your breakfast. If you’re feeling lucky and can stomach a bit of risk, dive in. Just make sure your immune system is ready for the challenge. After all, it's not every day you find a café this cute that also doubles as a test of survival.
"Calmati Coffee is an absolute hidden gem"
"Staff are friends and service is great"
"Fabulous food, coffee is gorgeous"
Calmati Cafe, Swinton — Food Hygiene Rating: 1/5
🗓️ Last inspected: 17 October 2025