BROWNS CAFE

🏠 4 The Crescent, Southall, UB1 1BE

☕ Cafe

Tier Achieved:

💀 DOUBLE SLAP 💀

Bad AND dirty. Worse than a meal deal.

Like being slapped twice. The food's crap and you'll probably get the 💩s anyway. Just... don't.

🧼 Food Hygiene Rating 0/5 FSA Certified

⭐ Google Rating 3.8 53 reviews

🕐 Hours not available

📍 DIRECTIONS

💀 Double Slap

Browns Cafe is a double slap in Ealing. With a food hygiene rating of 0/5 and 3.8★ on Google (53 reviews), this cafe lands in our "Double Slap" tier — bad and dirty. worse than a meal deal.

Full review coming soon — we're gathering more intel on this one.

✨ FEATURES ✨

🍽️ Dine-in🥡 Takeout🚗 Delivery☀️ Outdoor seating

🔬 FSA BREAKDOWN 🔬

🧼 Hygienic Food Handling NEEDS IMPROVEMENT

🏗️ Cleanliness & Facilities NEEDS IMPROVEMENT

📋 Management & Safety NEEDS IMPROVEMENT

Browns Cafe — Food Hygiene Rating: 0/5

🗓️ Last inspected: 20 November 2025

🔍 EXPLORE EALING 🔍

📍 All in Ealing